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Describing an Idiot

I had a baffling experience with a sales person this morning. I won’t go into to details but I’m sure you have had the same experience before. You are trying to explain something to them in 13 different ways and they just don’t seem to have a clue what you are talking about. After the phone call I  Googled the word “idiot” just for fun. Here is the list of terms I found to describe an idiot.

Needless to say, these amusing comments are not recommended for use in real appraisals.

“He is depriving a village somewhere of their idiot..”

“Not a born leader yet..”

“A well balanced person, has a chip on both shoulders..”

“Takes him two hours to watch sixty minutes..”

“Gargled from the fountain of knowledge..”

“If you stand close enough to him you can hear the oceans..”

“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change..”

“If he were any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week..”

“Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it..”

“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming..”

“Donated his brain to science before he was done using it..”

“A prime candidate for natural deselection..”

“A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on..”

“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one..”

“When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell..”

“He has a knack for making strangers immediately..”

“He would argue with a signpost..”

“I would like to go hunting with him sometime..”

“He doesn’t have ulcers but he’s a carrier..”

“Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together..”

“I would not allow this employee to breed..”

“His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity..”

“This person has delusions of adequacy..”

“Since my last report, he has reached rockbottom, and has started to dig..”

“Sets low standards and consistently fails to achieve them..”

“Has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age..”

“Works well under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap..”

“You are on the crest of a slump.”

“The lights are on but nobody’s at home..”

“The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead..”

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